Awakened by Abby scratching on the bed, my frustration grew when Tom bent over to try to entice her to jump up and he took all the covers with him. I pulled the covers strongly back over me and hoped I’d be able to go back to sleep
I regurgitated past frustrations about Abby’s lack of training, reliving my unrealistic expectations for a change.
Only awake for barely one minute, I felt frustration, irritation and disappointment over having no control over what Abby and Tom did. Yes, I am a control freak.
This start could have left me with the feeling of the bad start to a new day — Easter Sunday, no less. Instead, I re-learned a lesson in forgiveness.
While you may think I’d forgiven Abby for her scratching and Tom for pulling off the covers and solidifying my awakening, the lesson that popped into my head was to forgive myself for making judgments and not accepting what is. I judged these events based on my unrealistic expectations.
The truth is, I really had no control over any of this. My lack of control re-ignited past fears of having no control, and the negative emotions and judgments I felt. These resurfaced immediately.
I realized I had to forgive MYSELF. For what? For allowing my old fears, frustrations, anger and judgments into my present moment and for not accepting what was. That’s not to say I won’t continue to try to train Abby not to scratch on the furniture. Yet is it realistic to think you can train a 13-year-old cat not to scratch? It’s really part of her nature.
My decades long studies of A Course in Miracles and more recently A Course of Love made me aware in the present moment, fully aware of what was happening and my response to it. I could have yelled at Abby and been angry at Tom. I could have held onto the past perceptions on having no control I had dredged up in my mind and carried those negative feelings into my day.
Instead, I chose to forgive myself for making those judgments and not accepting what was. Being frustrated, irritated or angry wasn’t going to change what was.
My lessons – forgive myself, accept what is right now in the present moment and let go of the past.
Being a control freak my entire life is not an easy habit to overcome in an instant. Yet that’s exactly what happened in that moment. I let go of my perception of control, my past misperceptions and the negativity that followed both.
How appropriate this happened Easter morning! This simple event made me aware of my true Self, my higher Self, the Christ in me. I know the Spirit of Christ dwells within each and every one of us. Forgive yourself, respond with Love and share your Spirit!
How blessed I am, as we all are!!